13 Oct

From Bottled-Up to Balanced: The Power of Expression


We’ve all had those moments where we feel overwhelmed with intense emotions; maybe a stressful day at work, a painful conflict with a loved one or an uncomfortable feeling that seems to come out of nowhere. Often, instead of acknowledging or expressing these feelings, we bottle them up, push them down and tell ourselves to ‘’get on with it’’. In the moment, this can feel like the easiest and safest option, a bit like the saying ‘’out of sight, out of mind’’. But these feelings don’t disappear. Consider the time when you’ve smiled through sadness, only to break down later when someone gently asks ‘‘Are you ok?’’. Or when you’ve suppressed anger, only to ‘see red’ and explode at an unrelated, minor inconvenience a few days later. Suppressing emotions may feel like control in the moment, but it doesn’t make them disappear. If anything, it builds pressure beneath the surface - and eventually, that pressure needs to be released. 


Why We Bottle Up Emotions

There are many reasons in which we feel compelled to hide our feelings and often, we do it without even realising it. Some common reasons include:

  • Getting through the day: telling ourselves ‘’I’ll deal with it later’’.

  • Avoidance: hoping that if we ignore the feeling, it will go away on its own.

  • Fear of judgement: worrying about how others will react if we open up. 

At their core, these reasons all share one thing -  the belief that it’s safer and easier not to feel. And often, that belief has roots in our past. 


Childhood Experiences:

Our individual childhood experiences shape how we learn to acknowledge, handle and express emotions. When we were upset or angry, were we met with care and curiosity by others, or with dismissal, punishment or silence? If the expression of an emotion was met with rejection, we may have learned to hide those parts of ourselves to feel safe and accepted.


Society and Culture:  

Society adds another layer. Many of us grow up with unspoken rules: don’t cry, keep it together, stay strong. Certain emotions are labelled ‘’weak’’ or ‘’inappropriate’’, and some groups are often socialised to equate vulnerability with failure. This isn’t a modern phenomenon. The metaphor of ‘’bottling up’’ emotions dates back to the mid-19th Century, when bottles were first used to preserve and seal goods. The psychologist William James described in 1890 the danger of ‘’pent-up emotion’’ suddenly bursting and ‘’flooding the whole mind’’ (1). Even then, the phrase captured a growing cultural pressure to contain emotional life. Individuals felt compelled and pressured to suppress certain emotions for the very same societal reasons we do today. So, the idea that feelings can be corked up is by no means new - it reflects a long-standing human struggle to suppress and restrain in order to conform to societal expectations.

The Hidden Cost of Suppression

Whatever is in a bottle doesn’t disappear - , the pressure gradually builds. Emotional suppression can appear like control, but over time it takes a toll on both the body and mind. A range of research has linked emotional suppression to higher levels of stress, muscle tension, headaches, digestive issues and even cardiovascular strain (2). Psychologically, it has been linked to irritability, exhaustion, disconnection or a sense of flatness.

When we avoid or ignore feelings, we lose access to the information they carry.

  • Anger -> may signal a boundary being crossed.

  • Sadness -> can point to loss or unmet needs.

  • Anxiety -> may reveal where we feel unsafe or uncertain.

Emotions themselves are not the problem, they’re messengers trying to tell us something!

Signs You Might Be Bottling Up Emotions

While sometimes we consciously suppress our feelings, often it happens automatically without us even realising it. There are a few common signs that you may be bottling up emotions:

  • Physical symptoms: digestive issues, headaches, racing heart or tension in the body. 

  • Feelings misunderstood or disconnected from others.

  • Feeling angry at the world and others. 

  • Sudden outburst at something you would perceive as ‘minor’. 

  • A sense of numbness, as though you’ve disconnected from your emotions all together.

Recognising these signs is the first step. Once we notice them, we can begin to gently release what we’ve held in.


The Power of Talking (and Writing)

If bottling emotions builds pressure, then talking is one of the most effective ways to release it. When we put words to what we feel, we make space for them, reducing their intensity and helping us process them more clearly. This doesn’t always have to mean formal therapy (though therapy can be a safe and supportive space for doing this). Sometimes it simply means finding someone you trust, and allowing yourself to say ‘’I’m not ok today’’. Even a short conversation can lighten the emotional load, helping you feel lighter and more understood (3).

If you don’t have someone you feel comfortable sharing with right now, writing can be just as powerful. Putting thoughts and feelings onto paper, whether in a journal, a letter you don’t send or even a note on your phone, turns vague and overwhelming sensations into something you can see and understand. Studies on expressive writing have found that spending as little as 15 minutes a day writing about personal thoughts and feelings can reduce stress, improve mood and have physical health benefits (4). Both talking and writing work because they transform emotion into expression and take what’s hidden and make it known - not necessarily to the world, but to yourself.

So, the next time you feel yourself reaching for that familiar bottle, the urge to tighten the lid and keep going, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself what might happen if you let a little out instead. Even a small act, like sharing one feeling with a friend or writing a few sentences in a journal can relieve that pressure, help you reconnect with yourself and prevent emotions from building to the point of overflow. 

Amy





References

  1. James, W. (1890). The principles of psychology. New York: Henry Holt and Company. 1(2).

  2. Patel, Jainish & Patel, Prittesh. (2019). Consequences of Repression of Emotion: Physical Health, Mental Health and General Well Being. International Journal of Psychotherapy Practice and Research. 1. 16-21. 

  3. Cohen, S., & Wills, T. A. (1985). Stress, social support, and the buffering hypothesis. Psychological Bulletin, 98(2), 310–357

  4. Smyth, J. M., Hockemeyer, J. R., & Tulloch, H. (2008). Health effects of expressive writing on stressful or traumatic experiences: A meta-analysis. Journal of Psychosomatic Research, 64(5), 595–602.