28 Oct

The Importance of Boundaries 

You might hear the word ‘‘boundaries’’ and think of a sturdy wall separating you from others. Many people associate boundaries with being selfish, cold or distant. In reality, they're quite the opposite. Without them, relationships (whether that be platonic, romantic or professional) can begin to strain or break down. Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out, they’re about creating space for genuine connection, mutual respect and fulfillment of needs. 

The ‘Awkwardness’ We Associate With Boundaries

So if boundaries aren’t about disconnection, what exactly are they? Boundaries are the limits and guidelines we create to protect our emotional, physical and mental health. They define what is and what isn’t ok for how others treat us, how we treat others and how we engage in the world. In other words, boundaries let others know where our ‘’yes’’ ends and our ‘’no’’ begins. 

For many of us, setting boundaries can feel awkward or even wrong. We’ve been socialised to believe that saying ‘’no’’ is rude and that being agreeable makes us good people. Whilst this belief is often taught with good intent, it can lead us to equate self-sacrifice with kindness, and to feel guilty for protecting our energy. When we do try to set boundaries, it can feel like we’re breaking some unspoken rule about being a ‘’good person’’. Although in truth, we’re learning a healthier way to relate - one rooted in balance, not burnout.

Boundary Myths 

Many of us hold certain ideas about boundaries that aren’t quite true - here are a few common ones:

Myth 1: ‘’Boundaries are selfish’’

  • Setting a boundary doesn’t mean you don’t care - it means you’re choosing to care sustainably. When you respect your limits, you’re able to show up for others with honesty and authenticity. 

Myth 2: ‘’Boundaries push people away’’

  • Healthy boundaries actually strengthen relationships! They clarify expectations, reduce misunderstanding and deepen trust. Studies found that relationships with communicated boundaries report 30% higher relationship satisfaction and lower conflict levels (1).

Myth 3: ‘’Only romantic relationships need boundaries’’

  • Boundaries are essential in all relationships, with family, friends and colleagues. They help maintain balance, respect and emotional well-being.

The Toll of Overextending Yourself

A lack of boundaries can take a serious toll on our mental and physical health. Constantly saying yes, overextending ourselves, or ignoring our own needs has shown to lead to stress, resentment and burnout (2). Over time, this has shown to manifest physically in the body, with the most common symptoms being fatigue, weakened immunity and general irritability (3). Although it may seem harmless at the moment, every time we say ‘’Yes’’ when our mind is screaming ‘’No’’, we chip away at our sense of self-trust and personal agency. Over time, this pattern can lead us feeling depleted or resentful towards others, and even toward ourselves. It can build quietly, creating tension in relationships and making interactions unusually heavy or emotionally charged. Ironically, the people we care about the most can begin to feel like sources of stress rather than support, even though our intention was to help or connect.

Implementing Boundaries

Understanding the importance of boundaries is one thing, but putting them into practice can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to saying yes or prioritising others’ needs over your own. The key is to start small, remembering that boundaries are a skill we strengthen over time. 

1. Start by identifying your limits

Notice the moments where you feel drained, resentful or anxious. These feelings can often signal that a boundary has been crossed or that one is needed. Journaling or reflecting on these experiences can help you recognise patterns.

2. Listen to your body

If you’re not consciously sure of your limits, your body is often the first to let you know when something is off. A tight chest, stomach knots or irritability can all be signs. Instead of brushing these feelings off, pause and check in. Trust those physical signs as valuable information, not overreactions.

3. Communicate clearly

Once you’ve recognised a limit, communicate it gently but firmly. You don’t need to justify or apologise for your needs. Short, direct phrases such as ‘’I appreciate the invite, but I’ll pass this time’’ or ‘‘I’m not able to take that on right now’’ work best.

4. Be gentle with yourself

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable at first. It’s common to notice guilt, worry about disappointing others or even fearing conflict. Remind yourself that honoring your needs is an act of self-care, not selfishness.

Boundaries aren’t walls, think of them as bridges that allow us to connect more meaningfully with others. When we set healthy limits, we are able to show up as our true selves - grounded, authentic and truly present. We stop giving from a place of exhaustion or obligation and start giving from a place of choice and care. The next time someone asks you to that event, take a moment to check in with yourself. Listening to that inner response is the first step to honoring your needs and protecting your well-being.

Amy

References

  1. Downward, P., Rasciute, S., & Kumar, H. (2022). “Mental health and satisfaction with partners: a longitudinal analysis in the UK.” BMC Psychology, 10, 15.

  2. Mellner, C., Aronsson, G., & Kecklund, G. (2015). ‘’Boundary Management Preferences, Boundary Control, and Work-Life Balance among Full-Time Employed Professionals in Knowledge-Intensive, Flexible Work’’. Nordic Journal of Working Life Studies, 4 (4), 7-23.

  3. Russ, T. C., Stamatakis, E., Hamer, M., Starr, J. M., Kivimäki, M., & Batty, G. D. (2015). ‘’Association between psychological stress and the risk of developing chronic disease: prospective evidence from the UK Household Longitudinal Study’’. Journal of Epidemiology & Community Health, 69(6), 637-645.